Better Late Than Never?

So twenty days later..

Sorry, life has been nuts. The job I'm at decided to keep my long term so I leave home at 2pm and don't get back until midnight where I shove some dinner in me, pick up my husband at work at 12:30, go to bed at 2:30, wake up at around 11:00am, workout, run some errands and I'm back to 2pm.

Where did I leave off? Right! I had my query critiqued and it needed a lot of work.

During my rewriting, I was incredibly frustrated at times. A part of me thought, "You want to be a writer but you are having problems with a one page query letter?" One day I sat at my desk for six hours just writing query after query, stopping every half hour to bawl my eyes out (that's not an exaggeration) because I was getting nowhere and felt that my book wouldn't either. I won't lie, I wanted to quit, give up. I felt like I was traveling on a one way ticket to nowhere. I mean, who am I to try to go against the big boys? Me, a mere little amateur who is back to working a food line. Perhaps that is what I am destined to do, and writing is just a passion I will never be able to share.

A part of me still fears this. But, I did take a couple of weeks off from the query just to regroup, refresh and well, just get my sanity back (or whatever is left of it). During that time, I got three more rejections. One from the agent on the top of my list. It sucked, but at least I have work to keep me distracted and I am not alone with my thoughts all day wondering if I'm in over my head, though sometimes I wish I was at home alone, this job is really hard on the body; but I am trying my best not to complain as there are tons of people out there right now who would kill to have any job.

Anyways, the query is rewritten, again, for the fourth time. I resubmitted my first draft for a critique and people said it was much better. Some tweaks were still needed, but at least people are telling me they would read it now. It definitely gave me the encouragement I needed. Hopefully I can start submitting again soon, though a part of me scared to, but I will overcome.