Motivational Week- Quote #1

"The dream that you don't fight for is the one that will haunt you the rest of your life." – Herb Copperbottom (Robots, 2005)

“Robots” was a computer animated film that came out in 2005 (you can read the plot here ). I was watching it with my little sister one day and heard this quote and immediately wrote it down.

Now that I am finishing up my new query, this whole process is starting to feel real again. The case of the “what ifs”, is what I call it. It’s one thing to lie in bed at night and daydream about what happens after I have sent out my query (getting full requests, landing an agent, seeing my book on the shelves, etc), but it’s totally different when I am actually really starting to do it. I mean, what if I never find an agent? What if I let myself down? What if I am just being ridiculous in thinking little ol’ me can make it in the writing world? The questions go on and on to the point where I have myself so caught up in the “what ifs” that I feel like an idiot. A mere little housewife typing away on her computer, thinking she has a shot at making it; puh-lease.

I honestly hate some of the responses I get from people when they ask what I have been up to. I tell them, “I have finished my first novel and am trying to get it published,” then they look me up and down with this skeptical look on their face and say, “Oh.” Now it’s not because I am a horrible writer, it’s usually because they think I am dreaming too big. So I break the awkward silence because I feel like I have to justify myself and I explain (enthusiastically, so they don’t see how discouraged they’ve made me feel), “I just really love to write, it’s been my passion since I was eight, I have an awesome book I have written, I am really optimistic that I will be able to find representation and I really think I can make a great career out of this…” and I just keep going as they change their look to “get your head out of the clouds and get a real job” and change the conversation.

That right there is enough to make me want to give up. It makes me feel like my dream is a dream for a reason: it’s unattainable (I promise this isn’t a sad, depressing blog, stay with me here) and the case of the “what ifs” continue to envelop my mind. I think to myself, “What if I don’t make it? I want this so bad, it’s my lifelong dream,” and that’s when I remember that quote, “The dream that you don’t fight for is the one that will haunt you the rest of your life.”

I can give up and stop the case of “what ifs” at anytime, but I know very quickly I would come down with the case of, “If only I hads”. “If only I had stuck with it. If only I had kept on writing. If only I had kept looking for the right agent. If only I had ignored those people who made me feel inadequate.” This will eventually change to “I could haves”. “I could have been a writer. I could have found the right agent. I could have reached my dream.”

Truth of the matter is, you’re going to be questioning yourself either way, but I would rather fight through the “what ifs” for a little while than hold up the white flag and forever be haunted by the “if only I hads” and “I could haves”.

For all I know, a year from now, I could be sitting here, rereading this blog, still writing for a one person audience, still be fighting through the “what ifs” and still trying to make it. But, I could also be rereading this blog, and looking at the thousand of comments from thousands of fans who support me, love my books, and are so happy I stuck with it. I don’t know about you, but I would rather fight for that than wonder for the rest of my life if it could have ever been.

Only time will tell.

By the way, Canadians won Olympic hockey 3-2 today. I am so proud of my home country. No “what ifs” for them tonight.