Blah.

Ever had one of those days where everything went wrong before you even got out of bed? I tried to overcome it by lying on my back porch, basking in the sun, listening to audio books on my iPod and though it helped for a while, I'm back to blah again.

Queryland has been silent and not because they're rejections (each agent I sent to responds with R's), it just takes time. I'm now fourth in waiting for my query to be critiqued, so hopefully in the next couple of weeks I'll have my behind handed to me on a platter (OK, that's an exaggeration, I hope). Nothing from the temp agency yet so I've just been at home, stewing in my thoughts and wondering if I bit off more than I can chew with this whole book thing. Then I remember how much I love it and I'm optimistic again, and then I stew in my thoughts and wonder if I bit off more than I can chew with this whole book thing, then I remember how much I love and I'm optimistic again, and then I stew in my thoughts...

Maybe I should go read my motivational quotes.

Fifth in Line!

Well, I had a nice relaxing weekend. Went to Rockford where I found out Logli sells sushi (you can guess what I had for dinner that night), and don't think I'll be wanting it for a while after that binge. Then, after some window shopping, I headed over to Starbucks where I had a Strawberries and Cream Frappaccino. Today, I stood on the scale and realized I need to get my butt back in gear.

My query is at a stand still for now. After a suggestion from a fellow writer, I have submitted my query for a critique. Looking at the website, it is fifth in line to be plastered on the website and fed to the lions. Am I nervous? Just a little (if a little means my throat has dropped to my stomach and feel like I'm going to puke). I know it will be good for me, and I know it will help me form it into an even better query, but it's still nerve wrecking to see what other people will say. But let's face it, as a writer, you need to get used to judgment. Even after it's published, not everyone is going to like your book. In fact, while some will rave about it and read it over and over, some will call it a waste of time and a ridiculous storyline. If anything, this will be good practice on the bad review side, unless the guy loves it, then good for me. But let's face it, I'm still a noob, there is bound to be something I can change.

I think the thing to worries me most is that a lot of the queries I see are sometimes six paragraphs with a heck of a lot more info on their book than mine. My query is three paragraphs, the one with the brief synopsis only being three sentences... THREE! Why? Because that's what I thought they liked! I read not to go off on the whole plot in the query, to just use one little paragraph to describe the book, and that's what I did. I think it sums it up nicely, but then I read the critiques other people give these queries, and I think, "Good God, that is a heck of a lot more than what I have in mine!" So now I am a little worried I have just wasted more agents in this last batch I sent.

What can you do, I guess. Worrying isn't going to get me anywhere. I'll just take it for what it is, and keep moving forward.

HERE I COME TO SAVE THE DAY!!

Did I hear there was an aspiring author around here who was too afraid to send out more queries? BE GONE, EVIL FIEND! Optimistic Stina is here to defeat the evil pessimism!

Now, before you go thinking I have multi-personality disorder, I don't. I'm just in a very good mood today! Really no specific reason, I haven't heard back from any agents lately, but it's still early as most of them take about four weeks to reply. I don't know, I guess I just have this new sense of determination/optimism today.

I don't know if it's just the beautiful sun shining down on me, the blue sky, or the smell of barbecues wafting the neighborhood, but I was just sitting outside and just had this incredible feeling come over me. It was such a peaceful feeling mixed with a bit of excitement, and all of a sudden I just knew that something great was coming, just around the corner. Crazy? Maybe, but I'd rather stick with this great feeling then lie on bed, staring at the ceiling, being miserable.

I sent out two queries yesterday and another today. I know that's not many, but I'm still waiting to hear back from six others. I'm just going to take it slow, wait for some more feedback, and if needed, make some more changes and then send to some more.

I highly recommend querying no more than ten agents at a time. You don't want to kill too many birds with one stone, meaning, you don't want to send out thirty queries and get thirty form rejections and realize there's something wrong. Out of the first ten I sent, eight were no's and two were interested but weren't connecting with the sample chapters/partial, so I knew it was time to sit down for a rewrite. I know it can be hard, you just want to get those letters out there and land your agent, but patience is really a virtue in this business.

So let's tally my journey so far:

Rejections: 11 (just got another while writing this)
Partials: 1
Liked the idea but didn't connect with the sample chapters: 1
Waiting on: 8
Rewrites: 3

And onward we go!

Fear Hath Taketh Over.

My book is now completely revised, and it's much better. I had planned on sending queries out today but have yet to send out one, why? Because I'm kinda scared.

Now before I get a lecture from someone saying, "It's all part of the business, you are going to rejected, if you can't handle it maybe you shouldn't be in this line of work, etc," I am quite aware of that. But, I am still human, and I'm sure there's not one person out there who hasn't been scared while pursuing their dream. I'm just choosing to admit it in hopes that maybe some day it could help someone else. So, moving on.

So yes, I am kinda scared. Of what? Well, every single query coming back as a rejection. I've worked hard, believe in my work, my beta-readers loved it, but it's still frustrating, especially when other people I know are getting partial and full requests. I know I have to keep going, and I will, it's just one of those days where I am so tired of hearing, "Sorry, not for me."

Yes, optimistic Stina isn't really around today. I am doing my best to change that and be excited like I was when I first started this process, and I will be again. It's just a gray, dreary day, I'm still fighting this cold, and I'm just... blah.

Like I posted in my Facebook, I just have to keep reminding myself, "Never give up on something you can't go a day without thinking about."

Don't Forget, Tastes Vary!

So I worked my booty off yesterday and revised the rest of my manuscript. It now has 5,000 extra words that I think make the book oh so much better!

This was rewrite #3. The second came right before I started to query as even I thought it could be better than it was. Third time's the charm, right?

I love the beginning now. It's much more eye catching, and the ending, wow! What an improvement! I took the advice the literary agent gave me, but there is one things I didn't change because I do like it the way it is, and I know tastes vary. Was it a mistake? I don't know, I guess I'll find out if another agent says the same.

I think (but what do I know? Seriously.), if you are in love with the way you have written something and you absolutely don't want to change it, then don't. It's your book, your work, but you need to be open to revisions. I've known people who have been trying to get their book published and have been told they need to add another character to the story and they just laughed and said, "Yeah not happening!" and went onto the next until they found someone who liked it for what they wrote (though some never did). I know others who rewrote after receiving suggestions and landed that agent. I guess in the end, it's your call.

That's not to be confused with being stubborn and not feeling like rewriting, mind you. Take the criticism, truly think about it, and see if it will really help meat up your book. I wasn't going to change anything but when I really looked it over, I realized, "Hmmm this actually could help!"

I did go to Barnes and Noble over the weekend and check out the YA section, just to see how other books were matching up to what this agent suggested I do with mine. The truth? More than half did not have what she suggested. So you see? Tastes vary!

I'm sitting here coughing like a ninety year old chain smoker. I think it's time for more Dayquil and to get back to work. I'm going to look over my revisions one more time and make sure it wasn't just the cold medicine talking.

A Million Years Later...

Miss me?

I apologize for the lack of posting, but once again, I was sick. I had that wonderful stomach bug a few weeks back, then my husband's boss decided to flail his germs around the office which of course, got my hubby sick, who passed it on to me. Me, having horrible immunity, gets it for about a week instead of the standard two days. On top of that, I had a huge case of insomnia. No matter how much Nyquil I took, I would not knock out. One night (er-day) I was literally up until 10am. Yeah, a bad week. I'm feeling much better now, still got that annoying cough and sniffles, but that's tolerable.

I have done no revisions this past week, and that was on purpose. I was so out of it, and miserable, I knew if I did any, they would only be half-assed because I just didn't have it in me to give it my full attention. Today, I am getting back into it. I need to get it done before I get more partial requests or fulls.

As I've mentioned before, the ending has completely changed and definitely for the better. The previous one seemed a bit rushed. I think because I had spent two years writing it (would have been shorter but I was also working full time), I felt like the story was dragging when in reality, I was just getting tired of writing and rereading it (tip: write the whole book, THEN edit it, don't do it as you go along, you will get tired of it really fast!).

I also got another rejection today but to be honest, I am not surprised. It was with my old sample chapters, so I am assuming it's because of the lack of conflict in the first few pages and well, maybe she just didn't like the idea. I went out on a whim with this one too, one of those, "when in doubt, query," things. I just have to keep reminding myself that my agent is out there somewhere. It just sucks cause there are still a few I am waiting to hear from that I absolutely would love to work with, but they have the old query or the old sample pages. Needless, to say, I am not too optimistic.

I have also decided to get a full time temp job. I am going back to Canada in July for a few weeks to see family and help out a camp I help out at every year and some extra moola would be nice. That, and I won't be home alone with my thoughts anymore wondering and obsessing about if my book will ever make it.

That's about it for now. Off I go to finish revising before I get a call from the temp agency telling me they found me work!

Four Days Later...

I know, I know. It's been a few days since I've written anything, but I have a valid reason: I've been revising the crap out of my book!

Upon the advice of a literary agent who read my partial, I decided to go back, reread a few things, and my creative juices started flowing. Not only are there better character profiles, the ending is SO MUCH BETTER!

I'm not done, I'm still working on it, and it has been consuming my mind since Friday. I've barely slept, thinking about my characters and how to meat up the story a bit more. I've been driving my husband crazy cause it's all I have talked about. But I'm happy, I think it's waaay better.

That being said, there are over 2000 more words in my manuscript then what I had told the agents in my query, so, I will have to rewrite that part in the letter and if I do get a partial request from ones I have already sent, I will have to make sure to let them know of the change.

Just wanted to give ya'll an update. Off I go to keep revising!

One of Those Days...

Alright, I sat at this computer for six hours yesterday revising the crap out of my manuscript. Finally my eyes had enough and told they would be going on strike if I didn't stop. Time to continue today.

I haven't heard from any other agents yet and frankly, today is one of those days where I feel discouraged (I don't think this killer cold is helping my mood, either). I think I have a great story, I can totally see a market for it, I had tons of young adults I used to work with read it to see if it was worth publishing and they said they'd buy it in a second, and yet here I sit. Am I wasting my time? Am I going to end up devastated? I keep reminding myself of all the writers out there who got rejected tons and tons of times, but on days like today, all I can think is, "Yeah, but they eventually made it." *sigh*


Yes, today is definitely a case of the what-ifs. But I got to keep going, or I will hate myself for it. That and my husband refuses to let me quit ;-).

Off I go to revise some more. I really hope for some good news soon.

Must.....Keep.... Going....

Dear Stina,
Thank you for your submission. After reading your sample we have decided not to offer you representation. Although we enjoyed your idea, we would suggest that you open with immediate, decisive action that gets your readers involved in the main storyline of your character. A good way to think about this is to begin your book at the very last possible second. We would also suggest that you further develop your character profiles.
We wish you the best of luck.



I won't lie, I love getting suggestions because it's better than just a, "no thanks", but I also tend to get really grumpy and irritable. You spend a year writing the book, 3 months revising and revising, send it to an editor to catch all the kinks you missed, revise it again then someone tells you to revise some more! Gah! I guess it's just how it works. Back to the laptop I go!

My Top Writing Pet Peeves

Imma sry, but I h8 it it wen ppl rite lyk dis. Half da time I cant even figgur out wat dey r tryin 2 say. Wat is da point? It luks lyk it takes moe work 2 rite dis den juss 4 u 2 rite it in plain english.

I don't understand
what is so hard about using
proper grammar
and writing everything
on one line.
Maybe it's
just
because in my profession
I work so hard and nitpick
all
these things
that it just drives me
extra crazy.

IS IT REALLY SUCH A CRIME TO WRITE THINGS PROPERLY? I HAVE A HEADACHE JUST TYPING THIS BECAUSE I HAVE A VOICE SCREAMING AT ME IN MY HEAD.

Anyway this is my blog for today because I have been seeing a lot of this and it just drives me nuts I mean how hard is it to use proper sentence structure are we just too lazy just don't care enough or do I just get too passionate about things like this I just don't get it maybe I should just take a chill pill I don't know ok bye.

Forget Personal Rejections! Yay for Partials!

Just got a partial request from an agency! Fingers are crossed and here we go!

Yay for Personal Rejections!

I am having a pretty good day today. I checked my email and a smile spread across my face. When my husband inquired as to why I looked so happy I explained, "I got personal rejections!"

You're probably wondering why this makes me happy. If you don't know already, there are two types of rejections literary agents can give you:

The Form Rejection
Dear Author,
Thank you for considering us, but I regret to inform you that we don't think this is a good fit for our agency.

The form rejection is a letter they send to all submitters when it's a no. It's impersonal, and though they may take a punch your ego, I think it does serve a purpose. If all you're getting are these impersonal letters from agents, it could very well be a good indication that perhaps you may want to look over your work.

The Personal Rejection
Dear Stina,
I liked your query and the idea, but after careful consideration it isn't exactly what I am looking for, but I certainly encourage you to keep trying.

Though still a rejection, they offer some insight into your query and at least for me, give a ray of hope. The agent liked the query, was interested in the idea, which means I must have at least one foot on the right path. From what I hear, personal rejections mean you are actually doing pretty well. Agents are taking time to personally write to you which means you just might have something worth selling, but it's not exactly what they want. I find them very encouraging and though still a rejection, really make me happy.

So that's two personal rejections out of the seven rejections I have received and am still waiting to hear back from another seven. Some have my original query and can't help but think I should just assume the R now, but you never know, one of my personal rejections was with the original query which shows you it's all about tastes and preference.

I have decided to keep all my rejections. Though they make me want to take a sledgehammer to my monitor seeing them now, I know one day they will be a reminder that I fought the good fight and didn't give up.

Off I go to continue writing my next book. Just keep swimming.

Motivational Week- Quote #5

So as you may have noticed, I haven’t written anything in two days. Life got crazy busy for a bit and well, today is no exception, but I really wanted to make sure the last quote made it on here before tomorrow. So without further ado (without a huge ramble from me, as you all know I like to do *wink*), here you are:

"I'd rather be a could-be if I cannot be an are; because a could-be is a maybe who is reaching for a star. I'd rather be a has-been than a might-have-been, by far; for a might have-been has never been, but a has was once an are." - Milton Berle

If you’re like me, you’ll have to reread that. I’ll wait a moment.

Good? OK.

Once I figured out what this quote was saying, I loved it. A revelation hit that I COULD be a published author. It’s possible, it’s attainable, and though I’m not right now, I CAN be! I don’t know why this excites me so much, but there’s just something about that sheer fact that always puts a smile on my face. Seriously, think about the one thing you dream of doing and now say to yourself, “I can be a ______!” Feel better? Yes, no, maybe? Either way, it makes me feel like it’s only a matter of time before I reach my star.

It also always bothered me when aspiring authors have nothing nice to say about people who have made it in the writing business, especially the ones that call people “has beens” (someone who is no longer popular). When I hear people talking down other author's work, or just the author themselves, I can’t help but think, “Yeah well at least they made it, have you yet?” I don’t know, it just really strikes a nerve with me. A has was once an are, my friend, and you are neither, so just stop talking.

My biggest is example is how I see these aspiring authors on forums lately ranting about how “terrible” and “sloppy” Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight series is and I can’t help but think, “I’m sorry, which one of you is selling millions of copies of their book, watching famous celebrities portray their characters in box office hits and now (as I saw in Barnes & Noble yesterday) is having their book turned into graphic novel?” I won’t lie, I have yet to read the Twilight series, but after I do (or for any book for that matter), no matter what I think of it, I would never talk it down. I may not be a published author, but I still see myself in the same field of work as Ms. Meyer. Though I may have never met her, and she doesn’t even know of my existence, I still consider her a colleague and will do nothing but support her. Everyone's a critic, I guess. It's OK Stephenie, I am very happy for your success and congratulations on making it!

So much for not having a huge ramble today ;-).

Motivational Week- Quote #4

"You must do the thing in which you think you cannot do." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Here is a line from an email I sent my husband yesterday after my rejection from the agent I really wanted:
I keep trying to take my own advice I give people, but I shrug it off. I feel defeated, but feel ridiculous for already feeling defeated. I think I am incredibly stupid for thinking I am anything more than what I am now. I can’t do this.

He responded with:
You are not defeated, just selling ballpoint pens over the phone for a while (see yesterday’s blog for reference).

I’m telling you this because all day yesterday I let this one rejection make me feel that I couldn’t do this, and I will not allow myself to ever act like that again. Sure, I will have moments where I feel down, where I wonder if my book is actually good or I’m just crazy, but dang it I’m going to do it! Even if it doesn’t turn into a New York Times Best Seller, at least I did the one thing at one point I thought I couldn’t do.

This was rejection number six out of the thirteen queries I’ve sent. Three were form rejections, one no response, one liked the query and the idea but didn’t connect with the sample pages (I was SO happy for that response! Though she didn’t fall in love with the sample, it made me feel like I was going in the right direction), and this last one fell under the topic I wrote about in a past blog: it just wasn’t his type of story. So there are still seven out there sitting in an inbox waiting to be read by the agent (I won’t lie, with the funk I’ve been in, I originally wrote, “Waiting to be rejected by the agent”). I am doing my best to be hopeful and I have read my last three motivational quotes over and over to remind myself that there will be discouragement, there will be times where I feel I have failed, but if I don’t keep going, I will regret it. Today’s quote is one of my favorites. The moment I said, “I can’t do this,” to my husband, it popped right into my head.

I think “I can’t” is used too much as an excuse. I feel it’s a cop out and it’s something to say when you want to give up. Whenever I find myself saying this, I realize that it’s usually a cover up word for “won’t”. Think about it, usually when you say you can’t do something, it’s because you want to give up trying.

Listen to Ms. Roosevelt, don’t give up. You must do it, and you can, no matter how hard it may be, no matter how long it may take.

Motivational Week- Quote #3

“Don’t let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was”- Richard L. Evans

I am a thorough believer of the only person who is standing in your way, is you; get past yourself and you can do whatever you dream of doing. Granted, I wasn’t always that way. I actually used to be a very big pessimist. I believed that you should always expect things to go bad. I don’t know, I guess I would have rather expected something not to work out so when it didn’t I was already expecting it (which is why it probably took me so long to get to this stage in my life: doing something with it).

If you have this attitude, odds are you aren’t going to give it all you’ve got. You are going to walk around life being so miserable all the time thinking, “Why does everything work out for everyone else?” Truth of the matter is, it worked out for everyone else because they didn’t let life discourage them as they began their journey to the top.

Johnny Depp needed money so bad he was selling ball point pens over the phone before he made his big break and Brad Pitt danced in a chicken suit as a mascot for a restaurant. Everyone starts somewhere, and it’s up to us to fight the good fight and not think, “I’m never going to make it, I may as well just stay where I am.”

The thing you want most in life is always the hardest thing to get. Seriously, if I wanted to be a garbage man, it would probably be the hardest thing for me to get into. A publisher doesn’t walk into the delivery room the moment you’re born and say, “If this baby decides to be a writer, I want to sign a five book deal with them!” It just doesn’t work that way. Usually (and I say usually because there are some lucky buggers out there) everyone has to take some misses before they hit their target.

How boring would life be if we always got what we wanted right away? We wouldn’t become stronger people; we wouldn’t learn anything and we wouldn’t build character. We need to start enjoying and not dreading the journey that leads to our destination, because where we are now leads us to where we can be. Before you get discouraged, just remember that one day you will be saying, “I used to be there, but I made it here.”

I got my first rejection with my new query today, within five minutes, from the agent I really wanted. Trust me, this quote is hard to listen to even for myself right now. All I want to do is say, "Forget it. I'm stupid for thinking I'm any good." But a part of me knows I have to keep going.

Motivational Week- Quote #2

"I have not failed. I've just found 10,000 ways that won't work." - Thomas Alva Edison

Allow me to start off with some interesting facts that will make (at least me) feel better:

JK Rowling’s Harry Potter: Rejected 12 times
Stephenie Meyer’s Twilight- Rejected 15 times the
Jack Canfielda and Mark Victor Hansen’s Chicken Soup for the Soul- Rejected 134 times
Margaret Mitchell’s Gone With The Wind: Rejected 38 times.
Stephen King’s Carrie: “We are not interested in science fiction which deals with negative utopias. They do not sell.”
Dr. Seuss: 27 times. “…too different from other juveniles on the market to warrant its selling.”
Judy Blume: “nothing but rejections” for two years.

I sit here some days looking at my five rejections letters, thinking about the no responses I have received and just want to give up and admit failure. Think of all the incredible books we would have been missing out on if the above authors had done that. I for one have made it through a lot of problems as a teenager with the comforting stories of Chicken Soup for the Soul, I can’t imagine going a Christmas without How the Grinch Stole Christmas and Gone with the Wind, one of my most favorite books (and movies) of all time.

The point is they kept going. Sure, they probably had moments where they felt like they had failed (heck, Stephen King actually threw out Carrie, then his wife plucked it out of the trash and told him to keep trying), but they had so much faith in their work, they realized they just hadn’t found the right place for it yet.
Just because something doesn’t work out right away, or even down the line, doesn’t mean it’s a failure. Failure is when you give up and stop trying.

Judy Blume had said, “I would go to sleep at night feeling that I’d never be published. But I’d wake up in the morning convinced I would be. Each time I sent a story or book off to a publisher, I would sit down and begin something new. I was learning more with each effort. I was determined. Determination and hard work are as important as talent.”

Looking up each of these authors they all say the same thing, “I was convinced this is what I was supposed to do and that’s why I kept going.”

So take heart. If there is something you really feel you are supposed to be doing, don’t ever admit failure. Take the attitude of Mr. Thomas Alva Edison, keep working at it until you come to the day you’re happy you did.

I sent out a bunch of queries today and I can’t believe how nervous I am. Hopefully me new query will start bringing in partials. Of course, I’ll keep you updated. Have a great day.

Motivational Week- Quote #1

"The dream that you don't fight for is the one that will haunt you the rest of your life." – Herb Copperbottom (Robots, 2005)

“Robots” was a computer animated film that came out in 2005 (you can read the plot here ). I was watching it with my little sister one day and heard this quote and immediately wrote it down.

Now that I am finishing up my new query, this whole process is starting to feel real again. The case of the “what ifs”, is what I call it. It’s one thing to lie in bed at night and daydream about what happens after I have sent out my query (getting full requests, landing an agent, seeing my book on the shelves, etc), but it’s totally different when I am actually really starting to do it. I mean, what if I never find an agent? What if I let myself down? What if I am just being ridiculous in thinking little ol’ me can make it in the writing world? The questions go on and on to the point where I have myself so caught up in the “what ifs” that I feel like an idiot. A mere little housewife typing away on her computer, thinking she has a shot at making it; puh-lease.

I honestly hate some of the responses I get from people when they ask what I have been up to. I tell them, “I have finished my first novel and am trying to get it published,” then they look me up and down with this skeptical look on their face and say, “Oh.” Now it’s not because I am a horrible writer, it’s usually because they think I am dreaming too big. So I break the awkward silence because I feel like I have to justify myself and I explain (enthusiastically, so they don’t see how discouraged they’ve made me feel), “I just really love to write, it’s been my passion since I was eight, I have an awesome book I have written, I am really optimistic that I will be able to find representation and I really think I can make a great career out of this…” and I just keep going as they change their look to “get your head out of the clouds and get a real job” and change the conversation.

That right there is enough to make me want to give up. It makes me feel like my dream is a dream for a reason: it’s unattainable (I promise this isn’t a sad, depressing blog, stay with me here) and the case of the “what ifs” continue to envelop my mind. I think to myself, “What if I don’t make it? I want this so bad, it’s my lifelong dream,” and that’s when I remember that quote, “The dream that you don’t fight for is the one that will haunt you the rest of your life.”

I can give up and stop the case of “what ifs” at anytime, but I know very quickly I would come down with the case of, “If only I hads”. “If only I had stuck with it. If only I had kept on writing. If only I had kept looking for the right agent. If only I had ignored those people who made me feel inadequate.” This will eventually change to “I could haves”. “I could have been a writer. I could have found the right agent. I could have reached my dream.”

Truth of the matter is, you’re going to be questioning yourself either way, but I would rather fight through the “what ifs” for a little while than hold up the white flag and forever be haunted by the “if only I hads” and “I could haves”.

For all I know, a year from now, I could be sitting here, rereading this blog, still writing for a one person audience, still be fighting through the “what ifs” and still trying to make it. But, I could also be rereading this blog, and looking at the thousand of comments from thousands of fans who support me, love my books, and are so happy I stuck with it. I don’t know about you, but I would rather fight for that than wonder for the rest of my life if it could have ever been.

Only time will tell.

By the way, Canadians won Olympic hockey 3-2 today. I am so proud of my home country. No “what ifs” for them tonight.